A person's self-concept, according to my Interpersonal
Communications professor at college, is made up of three parts: the
"presenting" self, the "perceived" self, and the
"ideal" self.
- Presenting self: the image we project; how others see us.
- Perceived self: how we see ourselves; comes complete with our strengths and imperfections.
- Ideal self: what we want to be; how we think we ought to be.
Today my presenting self—what others see—exudes
confidence and self-assurance. It says, "I'm fine with how I look."
It laughs with ease and looks quite relaxed. Others may see it and think,
"Wow, she really has it together."
Meanwhile, the perceived self—what the self sees—pulls
out the makeup bag in the morning and thinks, "Time to de-uglify!" It
stands in front of the closet, a pile of tried-on clothes thrown on the bed,
with a heart heavy like lead. "I wish I had a better body," it thinks
almost angrily. "I don't feel attractive at all." However, the
logical part of me realizes that this is the result of a clash between my
perceived self and my ideal self.
Everyone's presenting self is better than their perceived
self... we see others as much, much more put together, attractive,
etc. than they see themselves. So I recognize that although I feel horrible
today, I'll feel better eventually and other people probably aren't going to
see me as badly as I expect.
And the thing is, EVERYONE has these days. The face we put
on for the crowd says that we have it all together—however, behind the mask, we
may feel like the crappiest human being in the world. On these days, every
person you see seems to have it together better than you do, look more
attractive than you are, and have a better personality than you do; meanwhile,
you seem to be the one person in the room who is worse than them all in
everything.
However, this is a normal part of life. EVERYONE has these
days. That one person in your friend group who seems to have the perfect life,
perfect body, perfect personality? That illusion is called "the myth of
perfection." IT DOES NOT EXIST IN REALITY. I can guarantee you that he or
she has days in which "the struggle is real." That seemingly-perfect
body is somehow flawed in his or her eyes. That "perfect" life has a
catch known only to this friend whom you so envy. That flawless,
oh-so-likable personality has a hidden fault, and he or she knows it.
You see, no one has it perfect. Everyone has bad days, and
to every presenting self there is a secret behind the scenes. If we accept that
no one is perfect, we can begin to accept our own imperfect selves as the
beautiful creations of God that they are. You are beautifully and
wonderfully made-- and God made you to be unique, with your own struggles and
triumphs, your own weird tendencies, and your own unique giftings. Accept yourself
as the perfectly imperfect creation that you are- for, of course, God doesn't
make mistakes- and live your life with the knowledge that you are equipped for
everything that will be set before you.
